Update view!

I'm sorry for taking so long between updates, and even sorrier that I'm not back on SL yet, but life as always came up.

Specifically, in between the last update and now, I have really been enjoying my real life. A few days at the beach and four REALLY FANTASTIC days of CONvergence have done a lot for my mental health. I'm thinking of going to Valleyfair before the end of the summer. Certainly a trip to the Renaissance Festival is a necessity - my girlfriend needs a formal shirt for our friends' wedding at the beginning of October.

I still love all of you and I desperately miss some of you (Boy! You know my Yahell IM; I'm also checking my e-mail now at la.maupin@gmail.com). I'll do my very best to get back on SL in the next week or so but this weekend ended up being more busy than I thought.

Please drop me a line!

Connie Update

My compy is still sick.

Unfortunately, so am I, and getting myself better before CONvergence (http://www.CONvergence-con.org) takes precedence over getting my computer up and running.

Sorry about the extension of my off-SL time, I am working on getting back asap.

Oh god...

Wellp. My computer is rather screwed, for what reason I know not.

Can't access the internet. Can't even get it set up.

If somebody has a spare full install of Windows XP, preferably XP Pro, lying around, I'd dearly appreciate it. Otherwise I'm not going to be in SL again for at least a month, more probably two plus.

My laptop appears to be working again, but it lacks the muscle to run Second Life.

Horrible Emergency

My computer is badly messed up. I am not sure when I will be able to get on SL again.

My laptop might still work (I am currently posting from my RL partner's computer). But my laptop will not run Second Life (it barely runs World of Warcraft).

I apologize deeply for this to everybody, especially Dream, Becca and Owner.

C-8082 is dead. Long live Connie!

Last night after a bit of delay, the custodian was removed and I emerged from the dissolving black rubber, crying and shaking.

I came to a realization about myself in that thing... I am a profoundly damaged person. I have been hurt in the past and those hurts have left scars that have never healed. I have a very difficult time trusting any domme because I have been abused by one and abandoned by another.

I want to trust again. But it is so hard. I want to feel that I am worth something to somebody outside of myself.

*curls up on herself and cries*

GET ME OUT OF THIS THING

My time is up. My sentence is served. My suit has returned its keys to me.

GET IT OFF OF ME.

All right, last 10 hours

I am going to take a calculated risk here and leave myself on in the background today. If it works out all right, I will be out of my suit tonight.

For me, at least, this has been an unfortunate exercise in selfishness. Worse, it's been excruciatingly boring, and I've felt horribly guilty at the number of my friends and loved ones who have been begging me to come out of my suit.

I love you, my darlings. I'll see you soon.

My custodian is malfunctioning... I don't know what it's doing... but I only have 10 hours left...

Banishment sucks

I do wonder what possessed me to do this. I'm not sure if suit dependency is a state of mind or a state of technology, I just know that I'm getting suit-adverse and the moment I can get out of the damn thing my mind will be a whole lot easier.

I'm getting severely sick of this.

The sad irony of my situation is that if I didn't have IMs to relieve the boredom and frustration (Kittyburgr on AIM, channidragon on Yahoo), I would be going quite insane. I know I'm a stubborn little bitch, but I'm getting to the point where all I want is to see and relax with my friends and loved ones.

I'm actually AFRAID of the sentence extension I'm probably going to get at 14 hours.

Bane sex and consequences

Well this post is going to render my journal not safe for work but what the hey...

Yes, there's a way for banes to have sex. Particularly if one is domme-inclined and the second is sub-inclined. More or less it involves the domme continually entering the sub's space until the sub is completely immobilized and blinded... which is rather shockingly arousing.

The consequence of this of course was a 7 hour sentence extension, but the release was worth it.

Boooooredom

Banishment doesn't seem so much difficult as terribly, terribly boring. Of course I am also less than 7 hours into my initial 24 hour sentence, and still have no idea how much punishment time I will have racked up in that period.

I have some rl issues to work out, but I want to get back into sl as quickly as possible, some of my friends are sad, other friends are bugging me to get back into things.

I can tell that I made a sale last night in my shop because my Linden balance went up.

C-8082, signing off.

Well that was... anticlimactic

I'm going to spare the gory details of Banishment. The friends and family who begged me not to - I love you guys but seriously, I have thought this over very thoroughly and Devil's Advocated every detail. I know I project the image of a happy go lucky girl who does everything on whim and bounces effortlessly from interest to interest, but I am very capable of taking things seriously and applying discipline toward them. If I couldn't talk me out of it, you're not going to have much luck either.

This blog is going to be an emergency release valve. To make the experience as realistic as possible for me, I am going to try to avoid blogging my everyday experiences as a Bane. Banes are supposed to be noncommunicative, to be outcast, to be ignored; with due respect to my beloved friends, to blog my banishment experience would be a backdoor around that isolative element - the very element I am after in my banishment.

This is not a personal blog. I will not be blogging about my experiences in real life. This has a very specific purpose: To keep me sane through what I have heard is the most difficult experience in all of Second Life.

This sentence started at 24 hours but if it becomes extended beyond that I will accept it. I want to push the limits of Banishment - to find out just what is and is not possible for a Bane to do - and to that end I am willing to accept additional time. I love you all. See you soon.